Roseanne Signs 3-Year $40 Million Deal: “Her Standup Is Ground-Breaking”

Roseanne Barr stunned both audiences and critics with a performance that has been hailed by some as “groundbreaking.” According to several sources who may or may not work for Fox, her single standup show was so powerful that they had no choice but to get her on the air full-time.

“She’s just amazing,” said Programming Director Joe Barron, “we knew right away there’s an audience for her.” Roseanne’s agent confirmed the deal.

The new show will be something with a clever title to entice people who actually think calling your kids libtards and telling weird stories about dating your own cousin are next-level funny things, so basically our audience.

Rosie’s first guest will be the unforgettable Jon Voight, who will undoubtedly spend the bulk of his time praising former President Donald Trump, standing firm with the state of Israel, and offering prayers for the soul of Benjamin Netanyahu. It’s possible he knows something we don’t on that one.

On her panel, we expect some other real winners on the right, but unlike “The View,” they won’t all be women. “I’m not a sexist like Whoopi,” said Roseanne, “I might even hire that cousin I dated. He was pretty manly, let me tell you what.”

Yeah, patriots, we laughed pretty hard as well. She’s a regular national treasure. Ranks right up there with Ben Stein. God Bless America.

Related Posts

A dented metal box behind Oakridge Avenue unlocked twenty years of family history

The blue ink stamp on my desk had dried, forcing me to press twice on every invoice when the hospital called. “Abigail, your mother has suffered a…

This Unique Underground Home in Illinois Has Incredible Character

This $59,000 underground home comes with a catch no buyer can ignore. Behind its stone-covered walls lies one family’s extraordinary vision, built into the Illinois earth and…

What the Letter G on a Manual Gear Stick Means

On certain manual transmissions, “G” stands for Gelände , the German word for “terrain.” It identifies an exceptionally low gear intended for difficult ground rather than ordinary…

Which Couple Is the Happiest? Your Choice Reveals Your True Personality

Personality quizzes based on images are popular because they offer a fun way to reflect on our values and relationships. Although these tests cannot scientifically determine your…

Turkey Hunter Bitten by Mysterious Black Snake

A turkey hunt turned into a medical emergency in a single bite. Deep in thick brush, a hunter faced a dark snake, an uncertain identification, and a…

Is there really a car in this????

Your eyes may betray you before this puzzle gives up its secret. A tiny car is quietly tucked among a crowded tangle of snails and mushrooms, where…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *