The American family today no longer looks like what it used to, particularly with divorce, remarriages and cohabitation on the rise. Where in the 1960s, divorce rates were lower, and a majority of children were born to wedded parents, today, four in 10 births are to single women or those living with an unwed partner.
The most prevalent family structure has now changed, with 46% of children today living with their married biological parents compared with 61% in 1980. With blended families becoming more so the norm, so too are the challenges of integration and acceptance, an issue one 15-year-old took to Reddit to recount.
On Aug. 1, 2022, u/Intrepid-Thought1752 described the contentious issues she was going through with her mother concerning her wedding plans.
“I (15F) am my mother’s (35F) only daughter she has from her previous marriage. She has three children, the rest being (18, 16) boys; this is important to know.”
“Last week my mom was talking with one of her friends about the color she wanted the bridesmaids’ dresses to be. My mom had been planning this wedding with her new boyfriend for the past two months or so, they have been engaged for about one year. The wedding is in December and on the day before my birthday, me and my mom have been planning a party for me around the same time she was for the wedding. She insisted it was alright and that her boyfriend and her would go on their honeymoon the next day.”
To clarify the story, the teen said she was the only daughter of her mother and father. They also had two sons before they broke up. Her mother also has three daughters who are triplets with her current boyfriend, whom she is due to marry.
“While she was talking I asked her when we were going to look for my dress since she had asked me to be the flower girl. I could see the disappointed look on her face when I asked her which confused me. She responded only a few minutes later and said ‘We’ll talk about it later.’ A few hours later my mom came to me. I thought she was going to talk about the dress situation but instead, she sat me down and explained how her new boyfriend thought it’d be a better fit for their three daughters to lead the wedding,” the teen continued.
She went on to explain that because she “looked too much like my father,” her relationship with her mother was strained. Meanwhile, her triplet stepsisters “all looked like her.” She added that her brothers also looked like her mother, earning her affection. “Sometimes I feel like because my mother didn’t feel as connected with me at birth was because I was a letdown right out the gate,” she wrote.
Her mother later told her she had been uninvited from the wedding “because her boyfriend thought I would upset his family because I was from my mom’s previous marriage. She also explained how my birthday isn’t happening either due to him wanting to go on their honeymoon right away. It turned into a screaming match with me yelling ‘I’m sorry I don’t look like you enough for you to love me. I’m sorry you were too conceited for you to get over the fact I look like my dad.’”
She said once her brothers had found out that she had been uninvited, they refused to go as well.
Redditors took to the comments to offer kind words to the teen and harsh criticism of the mom.
Many sympathized with the girl’s situation and told her not to feel bad after she described her despair at ruining her brothers’ relationship with their mother.
“You did NOT mess up their relationship. SHE is the one who chose to exile you from her wedding. SHE is the one who lied about your birthday. It’s the choices she had control of that your brothers are responding to. They know she’s 100% wrong. They also know you don’t deserve any of this. Trust them to know their own hearts. They love you,” one user commented.
“My heart is breaking for you! The only good in this situation is that your brothers are supporting you and you live with your dad. Mom is only mad because she knows she’s wrong and you and your brothers have the backbone to stand up to her,” another wrote.
The teen also explained in the comments that her brothers had been invited to the wedding because they got on well with her’s mother’s fiancé.
“Her boyfriend likes my brothers more because they all played football and he’s always talking to them about how he used to play in college. I honestly fully believe him not wanting to upset his family was just an excuse to exclude me but I’m not sure cause he’s created this image of me to his family,” she wrote.
When prompted, the teen also clarified that her “parents are both black, my mom just has a lighter skin tone than my dad, him being dark-skinned,” and that the fiancé is Hispanic.
Many responded by telling her she was better off apart from her toxic mother and that, while they were happy she had the support of her brothers, they hoped her dad would also be there to take care of her.
What do you think of the mother’s behavior toward her daughter? Was she right to uninvite her to her wedding to please her fiancé? Let us know and pass this on to friends and family – blended or not.