When a legend like Toby Keith dies, the whole world slows down for a moment out of respect. One of the greatest names ever in entertainment history, Toby Keith singlehandedly launched the careers of Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo, and most recently, Lucille the singing spider monkey. While that sounds like a joke, Lucille has the 14th-largest TikTok following on the planet.
Out of respect, this Sunday’s Super Bowl will be three minutes longer as Oliver Anthony recites a prayer from Theologians and sings his favorite Toby Keith song, “I’ll Never Smoke Weed With Willy Again.”
“It’s a fitting tribute,” said Fed Ex Stadium Superintendant Joe Barron, “I’ve smoked weed with Willy. Toby wasn’t wrong.
Willy Nelson wasn’t available for comment, but he is presumably still alive and probably smoking weed right now. Taylor Swift is expected to be at the Super Bowl, and it’s uncertain whether or not she’ll stand or kneel during the National Anthem.
“Megan Rapinoe,” said Whoopi Goldberg, “And Riley Gaines. We can’t forget the fifth-place jar of mayo with the weird eyes.” This reporter isn’t sure exactly where Whoopi fits in or what her stance is on Toby Keith. ALLOD Psychoanalogicalist Tara Newhole says the issue all started when Reagan closed the mental hospitals and all the patients started hoarding cash.
If we’ve all learned anything from all of this it’s that if we all come together and sing the song about war, the magic cloth will freedom for everyone and God will continue to love America most. That’s not an opinion, patriots, it’s a fact.
God bless your immortal soul, Toby Keith. And God Bless America.